(Nowhere, West Texas) After recent events in which the Nowhere, West Texas, area was beset by some wacked out evilists with ridiculously gauche outfits, the Wicked Witch of West Texas has delivered a message, via automatic writing to this paper. Another test is underway in which the Wicked Witch of Nowhere is harnessing the technology of a certain drably appointed cabal and subverting it with an “opposite hex”.
The dull pair of morons, Kraut Shnitzel and Nebbish Hamwini, were just last week un-existed by way of a brilliant hex, the “See-No-Evil/Hear-No-Evil” hex, which caused the beigeist freaks to un-exist because of their no longer being perceptible. This inspired the local wickidity expert to consider a much magnified version of the hex, for which she arrived at a plan to subvert the function of a certain very large contraption near Geneva by way of an “opposite hex,” in order to boost the “See-No-Evil/Hear-No-Evil” hex to a global scale. Consulting Professor Prattle was, as usual, unavoidable.
“You see, quantum physics tells us that every single thing in the world arises from perception. Therefore by way of the “See-No-Evil/Hear-No-Evil” hex, those who are composed entirely of evil become imperceptible and thus cease to exist, or, rather, exist in a different way. Rather than remaining matter, they simply become pure energy. Or perhaps they exist in another dimension apart from this one, given that they may still perceive one another. That part isn’t entirely clear. In fact none of it is entirely clear, but the point is the whole Beige Cabal is very likely about to follow Schnitzel and Hamwini, where every they might now be. Suffice it to say that nobody much cares what happens to the beigeists and if they do, the’d better keep it to themselves, since criticizing the plans of the Wicked Witch of Nowhere is known to be a bad idea.”
Prattle is most likely referring in his final comment to his time as a small reptile after his comments angered the Witch. He was temporarily transformed into a blue-lipped fence gecko, and probably would have remained so had said Witch not decided he could still be useful. Oddly, this has not dissuaded Prattle from continuing to comment on every single thing that happens here abouts.
The disappearance of the dingy duo intrigued some folks enough that they tried weird photographic techniques attempting to capture images of the mostly gone creeps. A few images were captured that some speculated to be Schnitzel and Hamwini, but that is just speculation.
