(Nowhere, West Texas) The West Texas Trickster Humane Society announced today that they shall be sponsoring a “Trickster Adoption Day” next Friday, the 13th. The event, appropriately, will be held at the Jackalope Bar and Grill. All residents of Nowhere are encouraged by Witch decree to attend the event, as the resident Wickidity practitioner is extremely fond of tricksters of all species. Nowhere residents will be expected to arrive in fancy dress and select a trickster from among the many that will be on offer. Missing the event will be considered a declaration of animosity by the Wicked Witch of West Texas, although attendance isn’t required.
“I sure wish we didn’t have to go to this shindig. Last year my cousin Jimmy-Ray was offered a Jackalope to adopt and of course, it was an offer he couldn’t refuse, but he no sooner got it home than he called me scared silly saying it had started in a’rhyming. Everybody knows what that means. It’s about to go into ‘were’ mode and there’s nothing worse than a were-Jackalope. I told him to put the critter outside and let it run off, but he was too scared of getting a spa vacation to do that. I can’t say I blame him much. We’ve all heard about the Witch’s spa vacations. Anyhow, nobody’s seen hide nor hair of him since that day. Just don’t tell anyone I told you this story, though.” This source can’t be named for his own safety.
As usual, Professor Percival Prattle, who is keenly aware of the identities of journalist in the region, was adamant that his statement on the situation be taken. “The timing of this announcement is interesting. In many ways it calls to mind recent Nowhere events, starting with the Killer Vampire Clown incursion, which eventually led to the Beige/Solid Cabal which led straight into the current problems with both “beigists” and “Plaiditarians,” all of which form a larger conspiracy, which is what the Witch is actually combatting in this fourth dimensional chess move. One need only cast back to when there was a major evil clown incursion in these parts and it turned out that the evil clowns were vampires. Well, as we now know vampires are beauty-blind. They are essentially aesthetically retarded. When they attempted to infiltrate this region which is well known for its fierce fashion sensibilities, the first tried to mimic local fashion savants and ended up dressed like crazed clowns. We all remember how that ended. They were bloody obvious and they got smoked, literally.”
Long time yokels from hereabouts likely remember the evil clown incursion and the horrible fashion faux pas that made them blatantly obvious to the most casual observers, but in case it’s not clear this is what happened:
“It’s not difficult to understand how the vampires were spotted. They so deeply misunderstood fashion and the Witch and the residents of these parts are very aesthetically sensitive. So, the vampires tried another tack. They reasoned that if their aesthetic blindness caused them to be unable to mimic the truly fashionable, they would try a beige and neutral psy-op by convincing people that the only fashion statement they could manage, a basic beige uniform, was the height of good taste. Given the deep tolerance for weird looks in these parts, people were initially willing to accept their dull affectations. Everyone understood it was just unimaginative, but many saw these dullists as a good foil for their dramatic self presentations. This tolerance is what made Kraut Schnitzel and Nebbish Hamwini think they could foist their absurd vampire agenda here. Rumor now has it that the Wicked Witch of Nowhere has a new plan, inspired by the ingenious de-existancing of Schitzel and Hamwini.”
As usual, the insufferable Prattle brought up some interesting points. An announcement via skywriting today declared that non-attendance to the event was going to be taken badly and that there would be door prizes for the most “tasteful” attire. One might not be overly imaginative to think of this event as having an ulterior motive.
