Confuscatory Linguistic Experiment Announced

 (Nowhere, West Texas) The Black Mansion Laboratories, home of West Texas Wickidity Studies, a front organization for The Wicked Witch of Nowhere, formerly of West Texas, has announced a new reality warping linguistic experiment featuring new and improved methods of enhanced confuscatory communicative strategies. Locals have been scratching their heads over just what this might mean, not to mention what it might mean for folks in these parts who tend to be plenty confused without strategies added to the mix. 

Scintillating rumors are swirling and coalescing around such topics as the recent fashion kerfuffles and what this might mean for “plaidists,” who have been kvetching about people choosing to wear non-plaid prints for a jackalope’s age at this point, such that nobody wants to hear any more from them or include them in any Fashion Freedom soirees. It has been suggested that they might just wish to go back to the homeland of plaid, even though nobody used to have a problem with plaid in these parts. Still, there is hope that the plaidists will learn to be at peace with the many other patterns and embellishments and such that make up a fully realized fashion palette. Otherwise they will eventually attract the wrong attention and likely be hexed with some absurdly creative and likely hilarious affliction like that one time the “sequinists” got fashion hexed. They had, in their sparkling oufits, created such a ruckus complaining that the “crystal embellishites” were, by comparison, dimming their sparkle and that crystal embellishment should be banned. This drew the ire of a certain resident wickidity practitioner who then cursed them with “sparkle blindness,” making their entire wardrobes obsolete.  That has little obvious connection to confuscatory linguistic strategies, except to the more fashion sensitive of yokels. 

A pair of “plaidists” on the prowl 

So, clearly, people are simply confused over what all of this means. Of course this has prompted Professor Percival Prattle to chime in as usual because he can’t help himself. 

“It’s a circumstance more phanic than rectitudinous, as the paucity of versimilitude exudes a proscribing obscurantism suggesting zabernistic intent by a frequently cameralist deripotent of deglutitious bulimy. Facinorous the compulsatory zygomic anergia, the animastic made somatic communally by way of medico-parasynesis presenting a galipot of dormition, appercipient and incogitable. So, yes, obviously we know what’s going on. Shakespeare said it most clearly.” 

It has been speculated down at Bill-Jake’s Bar and Barbeque that Prattle meant that the local trend of fashion religiosity is problematic and requires new forms of disguise. It might even require the invention of some new pattern like invisible paisley that looks like plaid but isn’t, for instance. 

“I think all of this wordiness is just a way of sounding smart because there’s nothing to say,” offered one yokel who preferred we not use his name.