(Nowhere, West Texas) Today on the far West side of Nowhere, a pocket of high strangeness hit when a quantum accelerator was switched on by unknown means in the center of “barbecue row”. The device was developed by the Wicked Witch of Nowhere to enhance the reality creation by way of thought. As soon as the contraption clicked on all sorts of chaos ensued. Monsters appeared everywhere and began attacking people, many of whom were suddenly naked. Buildings started to implode and explode. Chupacabras, Sasquatches, Killer Bees, Giant Spiders and many other nightmare creatures were seen. UFOs appeared and blasted some stuff to smithereens and it looked as if Nowhere was going to be completely destroyed. Luckily, or unfortunately, a horrid cackle rang out in the sky where the Witch was seen to be observing the chaos aloft her broom. As quickly as it began, the crapscape vanished. Sky writing was immediately observed announcing to the populace, “Clean Your Brains, Stupids.”
A theory has been floated as to why this occurred from a source so ubiquitous we need no longer name the pince-nezed blatherer. “It’s quite clear that the residents of the region are being instructed by immersion in a horrid quantum experiment and lesson. The Witch has taken over many a facility in order to create an evil eradication program, but the nature of these things will surely cause an extreme quickening of thought-to-matter reality creation, so if folks are going around with their minds all clogged up with monsters and suchlike, it could get ugly.”
Meanwhile the Nowhere Multiplex Mega Movie Theater announced a 24 hour a day free 3-D horror extravaganza. The “Nightmares on Tap Terror Days Festival” is set to extend for as long as people will attend, according to the organizers. As an inducement the theater is offering complimentary refreshments featuring a new product line which includes Coma Cola, Pepper-adelic Pizza, Lethargy Licorice and many other delights which the strangely drab looking theater owners claim will enhance the experience.
