(Nowhere) A strange wave of time disturbance swept Nowhere today. Things that were considered by many to have been done suddenly and spontaneously undid themselves, or were undone by the doers. It’s difficult to say, because before the things were undone circumstances seemed stable which are now highly subjective.
“I had just eaten way too much brisket. Five slices to be exact,” remarked one resident. “I guess I’m lucky because I’m pretty sure I was about to have serious indigestion. Now I’m going to have one slice and go for a jog.”
The backwarding of time has also been a boon for some who were seen to have committed other faux pas, like wearing the wrong mixed print combinations. So far the time reversal eruptions have sporadically effected only brief periods amounting cumulatively to around an hour. What is to come of this is so far unknown, but it is thought to be another annoyance eradication experiment by a certain resident witch.
Video was captured of one time reversal outside of Roger’s Roadhouse:
“In my opinion, the Wicked Witch of this area is working to apply this time reversal technology to specific people and events, rather than the entire town at once, enabling the selective de-existence of anything deemed drab or monotonous.” With this pronouncement, Professor Prattle seemed to become flustered. “I suppose I should stay indoors for a while, and maybe do some online shopping for floral prints,” he remarked before hurrying away.
Residents of Nowhere, meanwhile, are encouraged to make creative use of the time reversals for whatever redoing opportunities they might permit.
UPDATE: After this story was written and unwritten earlier today, certain things that had previously not been observed in this anomalous time glitch were observed. It remains undetermined how this development is related to the previous understanding of the unstable time situation, but it is now being stated by some witnesses that the temporal events have not been ubiquitous or uniformly distributed across the region.
“It is well known that events like these can be subject to observer effects and may not occur at all if nobody is in the place where they don’t happen because they can’t unless someone is there. It also seems that different people who experience the time warp effects experience a different revision than the people around them. This is leading to quite a lot of disagreement,” Explained a now brightly garbed Professor Percival Prattle. “I personally was returned to last week, although the folks I was lecturing on relativity over by the hitching post insist I was droning on without interruption for the entire time. I suspect that inattentiveness may have played a part. But the fact remains that I had the opportunity to go back far enough to correct my obvious sartorial missteps. I actually acquired a metallic pink leather floor-length motorcycle jacket which I plan to wear for my next complimentary lecture at the town square. I’m sure everyone is going to want to hear about the paper I’m currently working on…”
Prattle may or may not have continued this commentary, but from the point of view of this observer he blinked out of existence for a second, and reappeared just as he was beginning his remarks, so the interview was terminated.
“Well, I can tell you this,” stated Nowhere mayor Jimmy Ray, “I was watching my brother perform a cactus jump when he just vanished and then reappeared wearing nothing but his boots. He insists that he was gone for an entire year and nobody was in town for that year, so he’d stopped dressing in order to save time. I don’t know what he was saving it for, since he’d already been through it. Or had he? This whole thing is mighty confusing.”
Physicists are being consulted by the town council, but so far all they can offer is a bunch of pointless conjectures they’re calling “thought experiments.”
