(Nowhere, Tx.) Yokels in the Nowhere region have been beset for a spell now with a scourge of vampires so insidious that it has led to calls by the citizenry to appeal to the resident evil-doer for help. Although locals have tended to consider the Wicked Witch a frightening, unpredictable, insane and yet powerful nemesis, a recent incursions by vampires so cartoonishly evil as to make said witch a veritable paragon of sanity has made them reprioritize their dislikes and consider Wickidity, at least where vampires are concerned. It was in this spirit and having drunk a pint of spirits, that Jim-James Smither, appointed representative of Nowhere, approached the Wicked Witch of Nowhere by going out of the bar and shouting provocations at the sky.
When the Wicked Witch of Nowhere materialized, first as a swarm of moths, which coalesced into a dark silhouette to finally become an overdressed weirdo with snakes for hair; the Witch arrived looking as irritated as is her custom. Her demeanor brightened when the yokel who’d made contact fell to his knees, sobbing and pleading with her not to blight him.
The Official Delegation for Explaining emerged, crawling on hands and knees from the bar as soon as it Jim-James was seen to have so far survived summoning the Wicked Witch of Nowhere. They explained through tears the invasion of vampires. Much to the surprise and non-surprise of all, the Witch was infuriated. The non-surprise was her anger and the surprise was that it was directed at vampires and not tormenting the town. Some had deduced her distaste for vampires from her previous punishments of things that turned out to be vampire adjacent.
Just as the Witch erupted with fury, conveniently, a vampire rounded the corner looking ready to attack, needle-fangs bared, it lunged at one of the onlookers but burst into a strange sort of flame, which engulfed the figure, but rather than burning it, the figure deflated and then scattered like dust. This was accompanied by anguished howling so hideous as to draw comparisons to that one time Banshees were released upon Nowhere because somebody made the mistake of playing a blab cd in the Nowhere city limits. It has recently been discovered that that person was the same to have brought the vampire pandemic to the area.
The Witch took to the sky to declare, via sky-writing that the area was a “Vampire Free Zone.” A horiffic howling screech went up and plumes of smoke rose from various locations around town.
“The Wicked Witch of Nowhere is on a tear now. Vampires had better look out.” Declared the mayor of Nowhere, West Texas.
“This crazed clown apocalypse is almost certainly going to get more hilarious,” remarked a commentator who pleaded not to be named. The vampires, in case it was not previously reported have been trying to disguise themselves as clowns.
