Don't do it. Video for educational purposes only.
Nowhere, Tx.
Residents of the middle of Nowhere, Texas, were awakened this morning by some gawd awful caterwauling beginning at exactly one minute after the stroke of midnight.
"It was like somebody swingin' a sack o'cats in a swarm of locusts with a great beat you could dance to," said one local who wished to remain anonymous, but who was fabulously attired in white dress pants, a red satin shirt and piles of gold jewelry.
"It's always like this. Someone starts in thinking a little dancing won't hurt anything as long as nobody finds out," said Bob Church of the West Texas Anti League. "Which is why we're against it. Somebody always finds out."
"That's right," agreed another expert, Professor Prattle, of West Texas Normal School. "This is the gateway dance down a slippery slope covered with slugs after a freezing rain. One person dances a little and finds it invigorating in that insidious way that it first seems, and that person induces another and the chain reaction train wreck explosion collapse begins. People get sprains. Dancing is no victimless crime."
“Dancing is just too stimulating,” offered one Nowhere resident who wished to remain anonymous. “I’ve seen it’s the gateway to thinking that life can be fun and that is always the invitation to disaster. Things get way out of hand.”
"Yeah, especially after that time the Time Warp broke out again," Prattle reminds us.
Embedded reporters following law enforcement into the epicenter of the outbreak, which occurred in the exact middle of Nowhere, witnessed mayhem. Big Billy Bubba-que lies at the heart of this dance tornado to Oz.
"It was an incredible thing to witness." Marge Kirk of the Sagebrush Gazzette had her mind blown to smithereens by the shenanigans. "It is no exaggeration to say that it's a disco inferno in there. Not only are people dancing, but they are learning choreography too complicated to be safely used by non-professionals. Only licensed, ensured, bonded, certified experts in moving should be attempting this sort of thing. People need to sit down and relax and let the proper authorities handle movement and other negotiations with gravity and matter."
Readers are urged to don earplugs and keep the shades drawn until the threat of boogie subsides.
"Yeah, especially after that time the Time Warp broke out again," Prattle reminds us.
Embedded reporters following law enforcement into the epicenter of the outbreak, which occurred in the exact middle of Nowhere, witnessed mayhem. Big Billy Bubba-que lies at the heart of this dance tornado to Oz.
"It was an incredible thing to witness." Marge Kirk of the Sagebrush Gazzette had her mind blown to smithereens by the shenanigans. "It is no exaggeration to say that it's a disco inferno in there. Not only are people dancing, but they are learning choreography too complicated to be safely used by non-professionals. Only licensed, ensured, bonded, certified experts in moving should be attempting this sort of thing. People need to sit down and relax and let the proper authorities handle movement and other negotiations with gravity and matter."
Readers are urged to don earplugs and keep the shades drawn until the threat of boogie subsides.
