Nowhere, West Texas Texas Governor Greg Abbot is on record as of today saying that Texas is about to be taken over by the U.S. government via secret tunnels into Walmart. Some Texas historians believe that Texas may already be part of the United States, possibly having become a state "a real long time ago." Some people even think there was some kind of a battle and stuff to make Texas a state.
In other news, also, too, there have been reports of some tunnels from Mexico into Texas. It's almost as if Mexico is invading and the U.S. is invading. This has left some questioning to what country Texas belongs.
"I heard of this thing called the Alamo," said Bubba Joe Sanchez of San Antonio, Tx. I think it was about what country we were in, but I forgot the story. "I think we were going to be part of the United States but then they heard not to mess with Texas." His friend, Fred Jones disagrees. "It was over which half, East or West has the best barbeque. That's what I heard. Now the United States is going to invade for the barbeque."
Many in other parts of the country wish that Texas would be ceded back to Mexico, as it is thought to lower the collective IQ of the rest of the country by several points all on its own. Some believe that a certain Wicked Witch may have cursed the cerebral contents of the skulls of Texans, making the place suitable for her to work her foul magic unencumbered by any other beings with rational thought processes.
Others believe that Texas was dumb before she showed up and that was her entire reason for choosing it as her location for a portal into an alternate universe.
"Having a population so unburdened by thought makes Texas ideal for many of the Witch's purposes. She has many potential slaves and lackeys, and virtually no competing paradigms. She can make up reality in any novel way she wishes, much like Texas politicians do," stated theoretical physicists Joe Nebuli. "Texas already inhabits and alternate reality of sorts, making reality in those parts extremely malleable."
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