Friday, March 18, 2011

Dance Craze Hits West Texas, Concerned Citizens Question Origins

Two West Texas Yokels Demonstrate the Dance
Nowhere, West Texas, A new dance craze that began today in West Texas has denizens of the area concerned. Not just because dancing may or may not be morally acceptable, but because it brings back memories of past unexplained phenomenon related to dances that have plagued the area in the past. There have been three deaths linked to "dance exhaustion" after non-stop dance manias broke out in the area during two separate events, first the so-called "Madison Madness" and then the equally disturbing "Frug Frenzy."

Pastor Peter Piper of the West Texborough Biggerpeter Chruch has often led demonstrations against dance in all forms, often protesting West Texas Ballet events with mobs holding placards proclaiming such slogans as: "God Hates Dancers," "Ballet is a Graceful Road to Ruin," "Pointy Toed Opockeelisp," (sic) and "Flitting Your Way to Flaming Flames."




Balllet isn't the only physical-rhythmic practice to draw the wackpastor's ire. To wit, said Pastor Piper: "First there was line dancing. That was a plot by those geometry people. If they can tell people there is a a line- good clean country folk that never think about lines- then it's a slippery slope to believing in triangles. And then they want you to believe in paralellagrams. Next is gravity, and biology. This twisting thing looks like some science plot,  too. I already heard one sad sap commenting on something called DNA." Pastor Piper, himself, actually fell prey to the previous dance crazes however. He was witnessed practicing both Madison and Frug by many yokels, demonstrating the power of dance hex compulsions.

"Indeed," says Joe Biologist, "the twist does actually bring to mind the double helix. Two persons doing a twisty motion at the same time, It has it's origins in deep scientifiic theory." The whole thing has had linguists debating the dance origins of "the Twist" and how it may have influenced Rosalind Franklin in her thinking on DNA.

Locals are split in their opinions about the Twist craze. JoeBill McFruff is withholding judgement: "I understand why folks are concerned after those previous dance problems, but this one doesn't seem like a hex. There's that nice funny-dressing German fellow who's been showing people how to do the dance, and they seem to be able to stop when they need to get some barbeque or a Big Red."

Others aren't so sure. "There's some weird ferener tryin' to get people to do this dance. I heard he's from somewhere in Europe and they're all socialists, so this is obviously a plot," explained Elsie Elmers. "It's not American, that's for sure."

So far the Witch has remained silent about the current dance craze, which some believe is either proof she's behind it, or proof that she isn't. video: