Nowhere Beset By Fashion Trend of Massive Obfuscatory Confusation Power

You know you're in Nowhere, Tx. these days when Bob is Tom and Tom is Mabel and Mabel is Mildred and Mildred is Sally who is, today, Dan, who is still Dan, unless he's wearing his Harry disguise, which is strange because there is nobody in Nowhere with that name. That begins to get into vague areas like linguistics and stuff, so we'll leave the matter of Dan for further study. This is all a trifle confusing without layering in more nonsense from academic disciplines, although Professor Prattle will likely put in his two cents somewhere in this article.

Anyway, it's a very placid crazy scene. Everyone is completely confused to the point of near paralysis. Nowherists are so absurdly polite that they pretend not to notice the kerfuffles that result from everyone being disguised as someone else in a town where sartorial strategies keen to camouflage. Compounding the bafflement in the burg, a dance craze has broken out that has people doing some very odd moves in seeming trance-like states. Since everyone is already someone else, nobody knows at whom to look askance later in the Supermart.

This is all extremely funny for a certain set of folks afflicted with a sense of humor. The ecosystem for practical jokes right now is cosmic. Weirdos at the outskirts of town are having a wonderful time, which many deem a crime-ish thing. That's okay, though, because everyone is being stupidly entertained, and this is a blessing compared to some of the stuff Nowhere has seen. Needless to say the editor of the West Texas Tumbleweed is currently posing as the barber, which is going to introduce a whole new dimension to this disguise nonsense. If a fella didn't know better, he could almost start to thinking this is some kind of a subtle, hilarious curse. Citizens of Nowhere, be warned: this is probably supernatural. Take all kinds of precautions. Tinfoil hats are amateur level, so up your game. Armor of some type should certainly be considered de rigueur in these parts. Trend watchers predict that within the month going out without some type of armor will be banned as indecent exposure, which won't matter at all because Nowherists are super, super committed to their ultra-unnoticible disguise practice, so not wearing armor will, by week's end, unthinkably gauche. Experts like Professor Prattle have some advice. Make it out of all kinds of weird stuff in order to undermine the Similarity Effect which is, according to prattle, creating an ideal situation for the novel outbreak. We can beat this thing. If possible make up some fictional characters as whom to pose and learn to fake an accent. I know what I'm talking about because I'm a doctor posing as a newspaper writer.

Experts (myself and Prattle) are united on one point; whatever one does, one should make every effort to avoid outbursts of laughter. The ultra-charged atmosphere of Nowhere leaves all of us vulnerable to inappropriate expressions of mirth. Not that mirth is a bad thing, mind you, but there are times and places for it. It will be best for all Nowhereists to avoid any hint of laughter at all cost. As my grandmother used to say, "when confronted with something that might be interpreted as funny, merely will yourself to think of something unfunny." This is great advice. It does get a lot more difficult the more try to do it, though, so it's definitely a good thing to do. Hold it in people. No matter what. Do it for Nowhere.