"And now there's meteors? When did that start happening? Think about it: Have you ever even heard of giant swarms of lights in the sky before now? I sure never. It's downright strange." The speaker is Bill-Mike Rather-Not, founder of WITSSA (What Is This Sky Shit Anyway) an organization committed to proving that space, the massive darkness posited by sciency types, is merely an illusion created by Nasa when they engineered a giant space-blanket (check out that synch) with little holes in it for stars that we now call the sky. Some people have called his theories crack-pot fantasies, or worse-- a big practical joke of some sort, the punchline of which is still to be discerned. Bill-Mike is unconcerned. "I just want to get to the bottom of how they project some stuff onto the space-blanket from earth and how some of the light comes from the other side of the space-blanket. What is on the other side of the space-blanket and why don't they want us to know?"
Bill-Mike raises his bullhorn and shouts to the assembled rabble. "Raise your tiki torches and cactus trimmers high. Let them see we won't be intimidated by fancy words." The rabble answers with a unisoned cry of "woot."
"These are important philosophical matters, to be sure, but so obliquely framed as to be merely baffling," says Professor Prattle of Nowhere Normal School, as he adjusts his pince nez, "One almost expects an anvil or a piano to be dropped from the sky near the Prada store. I mean, if that hasn't already happed and will happen. We haven't really built a lexicography to describe ontological epistemologies of this particular syzygic schema for linearity as applicable to rhizomic structures in space/time, so until we've completed full jargonization, there will be little clarity on the matter. That's the situation we find ourselves in as little "fire-balls" blaze across the space blanket. It's nearly enough to drive the less logically minded to madness. This is why the jargonization process is so very important."
Crystal ball calls to a certain wickidity expert with ties to this area have thusfar gone unanswered. It's been suggested that this meteor business has something to do with the black-holish vortexy stuff that's been happening in these parts as a part of the ongoing disaster that is extraction, but there's also wickidity and now weird lights in the sky over Nowhere. Nobody has established how far beyond the boundaries of Nowhere these space lights might be sighted, since observation is spotty and there are no taco stands in the open desert, but suffice it to say that some strange conspiracy having to do with a space-blanket in the sky seems certain.
"It's a whole lotta burnin' love, this shower of lights," says Elvis, who is picking up a party pack at Herb's Q's. "Suspicious minds want to see more in it, but they're just gettin' all shook up. Life is just one big mystery train to an unknown destination." With this Elvis takes his leave, leaving us to parse this immense wisdom.
Sciency types were consulted for this piece, but their oracles were out of whack, so they issued a Decree of Non-Existence which covers not only the space-blanket, but also the little lights in the sky that are the holes in it and also the light beyond. It is now officially all a product of projectors lodged in volcanos and possibly the moon, which has been declared officially extant, even if the string by which it's attached to the earth has yet to be discovered. In other words, one must take a logical approach to this strange-tide or risk being swept into not-sureness.
"Thinking is a dangerous endeavor," explains Professor Prattle, still of Nowhere Normal as of this sentence, "It should really be left to the experts like myself until the proper words can be applied to settle the confusion and erase the ambiguities. Weirdos in the Nowhere area should just chill until I concoct a story at which time normalcy shall be re-established."
Some suspect that this whole thing is a power grab by the Wicked Witch Formerly of Here, but nobody can explain exactly how that would work. No matter. Explanations can be made later for the things that happened yesterday and also did not. This is a situation in which a dance craze could almost be seen, with all of its concomitant noise and rumble, as a welcome distraction. In that spirit, we ask that our gentle readers use utmost caution in viewing the following Public Service Announcement:
Some readers may find the prospect of dancing through a crisis like this a bit disturbing. If you are having trouble coming to terms with it all, there is no shame in seeking solace in a self-help video like this one:
